First two-three Moths in a new country are always very exciting. I was extremely happy to explore beautiful Berlin and had enormous fun in our Language School. But then came this feeling that is also called “Expat Blues”. Most of the people, who move abroad, experience it.
I felt that I never really fit anywhere, I don’t speak the language properly, I don’t have anyone to meet up for coffee or go anywhere someone waits for me. I must admit that some of my days were are still are filled with guilt of not being able to speak properly and loneliness. I am happy I am on this journey with my wonderful husband and also a colleague from previous work. But it's not the same. You miss your real friends, lovely evenings with family at home and all the fun you had at work.
Germans are very reserved. There are days when I get to say only two words in the office: Hallo! and Tscüss! (Good-Bye). It will probably take forever to make new friends at work. Or meet really good people. And it's ok.
There is one person who helps me to get over these bad days. It’s my incredibly amazing Personal Trainer. To be clear, it’s in times more expensive to have a Personal Trainer here than in Estonia. But for a year I was giving Body Balance lessons as my hobby and saved all this money for someday, I might need it. One and a half months ago this day has arrived. I was happy that I had this opportunity to invest in myself.
So why one might need a personal trainer? I didn’t need a personal trainer to do to workout 3-4 times a week. I was completely fine, fit and well-motivated anyway. So I joined a fitness club in Germany to continue my routine. But here part of joining the club was the requirement to have one meeting with a personal trainer to see my abilities, discuss the plan, set the goals and go through possible medical issues.
One Saturday morning I met Luisa. She asked me why do I do sports? My answer was clear. To be strong. Every time I feel strong in my body, I feel that my state of mind follows. Then she asked if I ever thought of doing personal sessions with a trainer. I was honest: I have thought about that. At some point, I felt that there is no growth. I can follow everything group fitness trainer shows, but there is no “real challenge”.
So I decided to go on this adventure and meet once a week with a PT for 3 months.
Previously I said that if during the training I have a feeling “I am dying, that is so hard, I can’t do anymore”, then it was good training. Now I know, that I can go much further from this point. To become really really strong, I had to push myself again, and again and then again. Three rounds. That is exactly how much one is supposed to do exercises.
Every time Luisa prepared something special for me, something new, something I never tried. Every time I learned something new about myself. I learn not to give up. And not giving up is not just continuing when it’s hard. Not giving up is hoping that you will throw up not now, but when you finish the exercise, just because you pushed yourself further than ever before. But you don’t throw up, it’s just how tiredness sometimes feels. I know that Luisa is watching me and she would never let me do anything to hurt myself. That is one of the most important reasons why one could take a personal trainer before making radical changes in the training routine.
But there is something more. Luisa is telling me whenever it's hard “You are strong!” “You can fight this trough!” “Great job!”. And so training after training I hear it again and again. So it just stays in my consciousness.
Sometimes when life is hard, we get tired, experience down moments. And it's ok! It's ok to be tired and lonely and afraid. But we need people in our life, who will tell us that we can go through anything. That we are indeed strong. That we are warriors. At different life periods, it can be different people. Sometimes it is a spouse, sometimes a friend, mentor or parent. For me, it was necessary, that it was someone I speak German with. Someone who would tell me that I do fit in. That I do speak well and that she is proud of me.
To sum up (like in school essay, right?):
1. It’s quite a good idea to find a hobby that brings you some extra money and save it for the future, for yourself. You never know when there is a moment you might need it.
2. It's ok to feel what you feel. Whatever it is.
3. Open your heart to a person, who will be there to help you. I believe that God (or Life if you prefer to say so ) always gives us someone at the right moment. We just have to recognize him/her.
4. Before moving abroad, make sure it’s a well-thought trough decision. (For us it was. But if it wasn’t, it would be much much harder.)
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P.S. That is the last challenge Luisa has prepared for me. She told me I can do every round faster than the previous one. I didn't believe her. She proved me wrong. Or I proved myself wrong, she just helped me.
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