I am giving up my childhood dream and it brings me happiness I never dreamt of

It is Sunday morning, the end of June. We are staying in a lovely apartment on the bank of the river Elbe. Our construction site is just in the distance of 2km on the other side of the river. After having my morning coffee, I take my yoga mat and go to the river. It is my only day off. Marten is sleeping after his night shift. I have no other place to go or anything else to do. A little bit of stretching in the grass sounds very appealing.

I find a nice spot in the shadow of a cherry tree and roll out my matt. Well, it is not 100% romantic as I expected. All kinds of insects take over my mat and my clothes. Uh, something is in my hair. Telling myself, that they won't hurt, I start with my yoga practice.

Stretching is good. Very good. Love it. And the insects don´t disturb that much anymore. Wonderful! The view is incredible.

I try to meditate. I close my eyes and hear birds singing, grasshoppers making music, the wind tenderly going over the grass, the water gurgling, some people laughing on their canoes riding down the river. And then I open my eyes and realize, that that I wouldn´t change a thing right now. And this is the definition of true happiness. Embracing the situation just the way it is without any intention to change it.

I notice that my eyes are filled with tears. Tears of happiness.

I never thought God would bring us here.

I always pictured myself living in high rise buildings in the city center, working in some fancy office, wearing high heels and trendy suits. But somehow I never got to stay there. Somehow pretty offices didn´t bring me as much joy as I expected. The people working there, the climate in the office, the way the time passed. My experience was not as great as I expected. I saw people having lunch at their desks, working long hours without standing up, no time to talk to each other. Why isn´t it like in the movies where they make bold decisions, work hard, have fun and at the same time look and feel fabulous? Maybe there are places like this, but I never found them. It was a huge struggle for me to give up my dream of working in a fancy place. It was my symbol of the work happiness I created as a child.

Marten helped me to understand that in my core, I need to be in the middle of true change. I need to see change. I need to feel that I am part of something that is changing the world. Literally.

So now, every time at 4.30 am putting on my bulky brown trousers, oversized shirt, orange vest, and construction shoes I don´t feel fancy at all. Working 12-hour shifts in the sun, rain, and wind, rinsing my cup of coffee in the plastic bowl behind the trailer I work in, washing the dust off my face at the end of the day I don´t feel fancy at all. But I feel real, simple. I am coming to the construction site and see how they build the roads of steel. Slowly but steadily. Trains passing by, people watching out of the windows, probably going to visit their family, commuting, or going on their well-deserved vacation. Exploring the World. And I have the opportunity to give my tiny part to make it all happen. I see an enormous amount of goods being transported over thousands of kilometers. The most efficient way of transporting is happening before my eyes.

I feel that my life is finally filled with enormous meaning. I wouldn't change a thing. People working on a site are simple. All trying their best. All have the same goal.

I never imagined myself spending my days in the middle of nowhere. But here I am, between the mountains and the river. And I am happier than ever before. I wouldn't change a thing.

The only thing I can do is to thank God for this. When deciding to come here I didn´t know how it would look like, how I would feel. All I could do was to pray and listen to the answer in my heart. There was peace. God was looking for me, guiding me, and giving me the opportunity I needed the most.